| (no subject) |
[Dec. 26th, 2009|03:38 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  curious | ] |
Okay, so, I decided to share some recent pictures of me. I'm pretty happy with how I'm going with my weight loss. I'm 48 kilos, and am aiming for 44, and I think I can manage that. Christmas shook me up a little bit, I'm recovering. By the way, I'm Maddie. I'm new. Feel free to friend me. :)
( Photos ) |
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| Hi everyone! |
[Dec. 25th, 2009|10:44 pm] |
Hey everybody! i've been kind of toying around with weight loss and joining various communities so I recently started using Livejournal again and decided to see what support I could find. This community seems great! Anyways, here's a bit about me:
I've never been thin but in the past five or so years I've really lost control of my weight. I'm 19 and matured (physically) very early so that when everyone else was going through puberty and able to eat like crazy, I had already passed that phase. I basically learned to eat a lot of fattening food when I should have been learning to understand my appetite and bodily needs. I dropped a few pounds last year at school but then transferred to a different college this year and am well on my way to gaining that freshman fifteen. My BMI is overweight and my eating habits aren't changing so I figured it was time to kick this into high gear and see if I could find anyone who wanted to help or who I could help. OK, enough talking :)
Height: 5'3"
Current Weight: 145
High Weight: 145
Low Weight: 127
Goal Weight: between 115-120
Hope to talk to some of you soon! Merry Christmas to all who celebrate! |
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| ....christmas... |
[Dec. 25th, 2009|04:25 pm] |
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i got through most of the christams dinners really well... i even lost weight!
but this morning was a desaster... we have this christmas breakfast and my mum, for the first time in about 3 years checked on what i ate while my brother kept on shoveling more and more on to my plate... after that i did nothing but purge... and now i feel so damn bad -.-
but i think i'll just take a nap, then go for a run...
i think i'll also take some lax, which i actually never do (i'm just really desperate and feel i must get this whole food and stuff out of me, before it's too late) and start fasting untill new year... i hope thats possible, because i still have 3dinners to go to, and don't know if it'll be possible NOT to eat with the rest of the family around. bah.
but i'll think positive and believe it's possible. if i really want to, i can make it. and i really want to!
how haave you all been doing?
seriously, reply and tell me all about how you've been, bitch about whatever.
just really feel like supporting and giving some optimism if thats possible.
with love, irene! |
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| ... |
[Dec. 24th, 2009|04:08 pm] |
Why do i make up those holiday excuses? "oh its okay.. you can eat its the holidays!"
ummm NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
no! no! no! no! no!
it has to be the opposite.. family is coming and friends your suppost to LOOK and FEEl good, not grose and depressed! what the fuck is wrong with me? am i essed up on the head or something?
NEW YEARS IS SOON!! omg wtf am i doing.. ive been eating like CRAZY for the last few days.. stupid lame excuses.. no i cant do this anymore..
I have to start a diet. seriously. i remember those days (few months ago) when i was about 10 pounds lighter getting skinnier and skinnier, not bingeing and doing great.. what happened? why cant i do it anymore?
Maybe i need a plan.. does anybody want to diet with me? please message me! i cant live like this... |
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| Food and xmas :( |
[Dec. 24th, 2009|09:32 pm] |
Its driving me insane.
I have to have christmas dinner with the family tomorrow, my aunts doing it and she does huge portions, I'm dreading it.
I've decided to go on a fast starting saturday don't know how long for yet depends how I feel and how quick the pounds drop off, hopefully I can manage 2 weeks.
Merry Christmas to you all x |
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 24th, 2009|02:00 pm] |
| [ | music |
| | Maybe - Secondhand Serenade | ] |
Haven't posted in a while. Merry Chirstmas (Eve) to all those who celebrate this holiday.
Something that made me sad to realize this week. I only lose weight when I purge. Like, I'm serious. I could fast and exercise for hours on end and not lose anything. But if I purge everything save a small snack, I lose about 0.8lbs daily. Why? I fucking hate it so much. I was plateau-ing at 103.6lbs for about two weeks, then I started purging again. Second day of drop, at 101.2lbs. Let's see how long this'll keep up.
You're all beautiful! Stay safe! :]
xox, Katie.
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| dubai anyone? |
[Dec. 24th, 2009|08:53 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | Dubai | ] |
just asking. is there anyone here who lives in dubai? =\ probably not i know lol but just wonderin
so where are you guys planning to spend christmas? well, for me i dont celebrate it cuz am not christian, but i pigged out today anyway. merry christmass to allllllll =D
where are you guys planning on spending the new years? am thinking either invite my frnds over for a sleepover and we bbq outside in the garden and then watch a movie, or we go to the beach and spend the night there not sure. or just stay home with family.
howz everyone doing? oh and by the way am starting a liquid fast tomorrow. until next friday. anyone likes to join?
XX |
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| Newbie |
[Dec. 24th, 2009|12:39 pm] |
Hey guys, i left this site for a while but now i'm back and ready to lose weight harder than ever.
I'm currently just starting a no carb no junk diet, anyone wanna join me and me a weight loss buddy with me... i really need the support and will be here if you need it too.
please write back .xx |
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| todayy |
[Dec. 24th, 2009|08:18 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  lonely | ] |
so i know i said today i was meant to like fix everything. but when has ana been easy?
i start eating when im not even hungry! just to eat!
ive had 2decafs with skim and some salmon with vegies with soy sauce for dinner.
im goin to try and keep it that way. god i need ot get laxatives.
can u just buy them at your local groceries?
omg christmas tomorrow. Thats gonna be the biggest disaster since appollo. have no idea what im gonna do with all that food around me.
xx |
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| ._. |
[Dec. 23rd, 2009|11:56 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | worried | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Bright eyes | ] |
i'm tired of hating the way i look.
tomorrow is christmas eve >_< and of courseee
my mom is cooking/baking SO much food..
i did a water fast sunday and monday..
then fucked up on tuesday. & did the water fast
again today. i've lost about 31/2 pounds..
so basically i'm still disgusting.
im scared tomorrow & christmas day..
i dont want to binge.. i really really dont.
i'm going to try my hardest to stay in control
i want to keep my fast going till at least sunday..
so wish me luck por favor!!
xoxo
ohh and btw,
does anyone know if hookah
has any calories..well the shisha.
please let me know!
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| blah blah blah... bitch, whine, and complain.... |
[Dec. 24th, 2009|12:03 am] |
Hello everyone.
So lately I've been feeling like shit. My dad's starting another round of chemo and he's so sweet but almost juvenile... It's depressing that he's not the man that used to sing opera in the shower and be able to project his voice to an entire theatre. People who've never met him before he was so sick say he's cute. Which is understandable, I'd probably do something similar in that situation, but it sad and complex.
Also I feel incredibly suicidal. About everything. I'm back up to 150 again. I swore to myself when I was 133 that I would never get back up here again or I'd off myself. Everytime I see a fashion magazine I feel like I want to shoot a bullet through my brain. I'm so conflicted in between ending it now or waiting to see what life feels like at 115...
I feel like I'm actually ready to get back on track and so far I'm not doing so bad. I actually "excersized" today (Ooooh... 10 stairs! congratz fatass....) if you could call it that. and I purged. which seems like nbd. but it is. it means that I'm actually doing something about my binges instead of just leaving it to gather on my bones. (which have already gathered enough might I add). All this is during my period which has always been the worst for me.
Anyway I vow to get down to 115 by my birthday (feb 22) which means I have to lose half a pound evryday. doesn't leave much room for fuck ups, does it?... good. I must start excersizing. I'm fucking terrified for my heart but I don't care. I'd rather die trying than die a fat disgusting slob.
stats
height: 5.9"
hw: 185
lw:133
cw:150.5 (somebody please kill me)
gw:115.
I need this so fucking bad.
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| bakkk |
[Dec. 24th, 2009|02:45 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  anxious | ] |
| [ | music |
| | according to u- orianthi | ] |
hey lovlies i havent posted in nearly a week but trust me its been hectic
so my best mate got her lisence and came and picked me up to go out. i didnt drink anything because i had to work the next day so i just had a energy drink and a few cigarrettes. then the strangest thing happened. the room started spinning i thought i was gunna spew then my heart was racing. i figured just side effects fromt he drink and my antibiotics but i hadnt been taking them for a while. soon later i collapsed and couldnt walk or talk and started shaking i had to be carried. no one got any sort of medical advice just tried to keep me warm which i was thankful for.so lately ive been eating (like a fucking pig. yesterday i went to the doctors and told him what happend he just suggested a blood test that i went for and with my low blood presssure i couldnt exactly stay on my feet. im so scared that wen i got back next week for the results that he"l some how be able to tell thati do have a form of e.d. i dont want to go back to hospital..:'(
today im getting my shit together and just having decaf.
hope you are all going better than me.
xx |
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 23rd, 2009|04:56 pm] |
I havent posted in a while but things have not been going well
i have binged and purged about everyday
i have been trying to get on to restricting but everytime i try it results in a binge amd purge and if i try eating "normally" it results in a binge and purge as well and i'm gaining weight like crazy from this
i have gained at least 5 pounds of solid fat and its nasty
i am so depressed right now, i shouldnt be because its christmas but i just realized how fat and discusting i am
Early this morning my neighbor died, she was 15 years old and no one knows how she died she was just found dead on the side of the road
I didnt know her or anything but this made me extremely depressed especially because its christams. how could that happen to a 15 year old girl
this made me feel extremely guilty because i started crying at how much a i weighed and how i cant stop eating and then i hear about this poor girl and i couldnt believe i had just been crying over food when something so awful just happened
i need to get back on track unles i want to gain ten pounds over this break urgh
:( sorry for this sad post i just dont know what to do with myself |
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| workout video |
[Dec. 24th, 2009|01:19 am] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | Dubai | ] |
i am giving up on losing weight until after 26 -_-' i might gain like two kilos till then! sighh =( but rlly ppl are gonna be focusing on my eating a lot these few days.
well, i want to buy a good and fun work out video that burns a hell LOTSSSS of calories. does any of you knw any? and how much would it cost?
i wish plastic surgery was cheap. i would have so many :( even though ppl say am pretty i rlly cant help but see my big nose, ugly teeth, huge muffin tops etc etc ...
i am rlly considering surgery i just want to feel better!! am sick of everything..and everyone! the more i cant stand myself, the more i cant stand people around me. hard to explain or understand i knw =\
just in a bad mood for no aparent reason sorry. so how are you all doing? what are you planning on doing on christmas? u guys excited this year almost over? :) |
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| "She's Got Me Dancing" |
[Dec. 23rd, 2009|10:45 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  cheerful | ] |
| [ | music |
| | "She's Got Me Dancing" - Tommy Sparks | ] |
Hey all,
So yesterday went really well...between stopping by the mall for xmas shopping after work and going over to my friend's house I was able to skip dinner without anyone noticing!
Also I feel good today. The jeans I'm wearing were skinny jeans on me once upon a time but now they look more like that distressed oversized "boyfriend" fit...which made me happy.
For all the hard work I've been doing I got myself a little present: new perfume! It's Burberry The Beat and it smells soooo good on me haha
Actually i splurged on that and a tonnn of yves saint laurent cosmetics at sephora so I got myself a couple gifts :)
Hope you all are doing well on this cold, cold day. Love to everyone and good luck during the holiday season! (I know I'll need it)
You're all beautiful!!
xox
- Alice
PS I absolutely adore this song!! (its on an iphone commercial so you've probs heard it). It's so upbeat and fun and great to run to...danced around my room this morning to it haha
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 23rd, 2009|02:57 pm] |
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Mmmm. I love diet coke and ice. I think I should live on it forever. If only. |
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 23rd, 2009|09:32 am] |
I am very stressed this holiday season. I am stressed about money (of which I have none), about travel (of which I have a lot), and being separated from my boyfriend. But what I'm more stressed about than anything is that I HAVE NO MEANS OF WORKING OUT. AND I WILL HAVE NO SELF CONTROL WITH EATING. So, I'm pretty fucked. I've worked so hard the past few months to lose this weight, and I still have more to go. I really don't want to get back tracked. I'm afraid if I gain more than like 2 pounds I will just give up all together. It's very stressful! And to make matters worse, I was sick this week so I couldn't get a lot of working out done in preparation for the holidays.
Friends, what is your plan for the holidays? How will you make it through with all the yummy treats and relatives breathing down your neck and no access to a gym?
I'm seriously considering running...and I don't run. Do you think walking every day will keep me from gaining? |
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 23rd, 2009|07:31 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | cold | ] |
| [ | music |
| | i heart hello kitty- BOTDF | ] |
Good morning everyone.!
Havent posted in ages...
I missed the bus so my mom said I should just stay home. This is great! Now, I can stay home and eat the whole kitchen. ): I havent been able to hold a fast in so long. I usa to be able to fast for 2 weeks with no problem. I feel like a fat whale when I cant fast. I just binge/purge. I need to lose weight over x-msa break so I can go back to school thin. Last x-mas break I lost lots of weight in a short period of time. I can do it again.! I really hate feeling huge. And it suckks not knowing how much I weigh. I'll ask for a scale for x-mas.lol. :P
well, so far today I had 1/2 cup of orange juice.
I think for lunch i'll skip and just start the fast5 diet/eating plan.
I also want to try this salt water diet thing but I dont have enough info on it. Do you guys know what I'm talking about?
I need to go jogging. I noticed that when I jog I lose twice as much weight and I'm not so depressed. And I'll just exercise more and the I'll lose so much weight.
I'm reallly nervous because later on my older sister is taking me to her boxing practice to meet this guy. I have a bf but she keeps insisting because I guess the guy thinks I'm pretty( im not pretty). I dont want him to see me and be disappointed and think I'm fat. ):
hope you guys have a greatt day! (:
Stay Strong.! xD
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